I've decided to format my movie reviews like so; I'll give you my opinion about it interwoven with a brief summary and key points, maybe a few jokes at its expense, a star rating, and then I'll post a spoiler warning and go more into depth with a synopsis of the movie.
Sound good? Alright, lets get started!
Saturday my friend hit me up and was like "Hey do you want to see that new horror movie You're Next?" Obviously I was like 'hell yeah,' I mean the previews for the movie looked promising. Well my friend flaked on me (honestly knowing her, I didn't expect any less), but my other friend was willing to go so I saw it anyway.
I don't even know where to start with this movie.
When my friends asked what I thought of it, all I could really answer was; "Well it was most definitely...something thats for sure." I can't say I hated it, but I don't think I liked it.
Let me explain.
Have you seen the trailer for it? If not, you can watch it here.
I guess my disappointment started when I went in expecting a horror movie. The trailer combined with the first 5-10 minutes of the movie promised me a violent, jump scare, slasher film. I was stoked.
Unfortunately, the entire movie teetered on the line between 'trying to be scary' and being 'full on campy,' and it was incredibly frustrating that it couldn't just pick a damn side. Although, at first I was concerned that it was just a bad horror movie that was unintentionally funny.
The very end before the credits roll, theres a splat of blood against the screen that says "YOU'RE NEXT." Luckily that only confirmed that the movie was going for a slightly campy feel, and salvaged whatever good opinion I had towards the film.
Without even touching the storyline, I can tell you that the movie annoyed me for these reasons;
- The actors playing the parents just could not act well. At all. I would provide an example, but the entire time they're on screen you can't help but laugh at what they're saying. I hope that explains it enough.
- The dialogue was terrible. There is a scene where the family is completely freaking out (with good reason) and they're trying to get service on their phones but can't. In the middle of panic their one son yells out; "They probably blocked our signal with a signal blocking box! You can get those for like $30 on Amazon!" ...I mean...really?
- The entire movie was done with shaky cam, which gave me a headache.
- And literally the entire first half of the movie was just close ups of white people looking distressed. It was hilarious.
If you're confused I'll give you a brief summary of the movie:
There is this family; older parents, their four adult children, and those kids significant others, who go to the family's vacation home for the weekend to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the parents. Oh by the way, the parents are incredibly wealthy and its made known that none of the kids are doing well financially at all.
While they're eating dinner and arguing, one of their daughter's boyfriend notices something strange outside and walks toward it only to be shot in the head by a crossbow. Obviously the movie escalades from this point on with the family being hunted by guys in animal masks.
The hero of this movie is the son Crispin's girlfriend Erin, and I have mixed feeling about her as a character. When the going gets rough, she springs into action, which is pretty badass...until they reveal her backstory. Spoilers: she was raised in the Australian outback by survivalists.
I...what? Look, theres nothing I love more than a beautiful, strong, horror movie heroine...but with a backstory like that, personally I think that makes her a little less badass. It just seems too convenient. If they had given her a backstory like "Oh I'm just trained in self defense," or "Oh I went to a lot of Eagle Scout camp outs," or even "Oh I just watch a lot of horror movies and know how to react in a situation like this." Yeah, that would not only be less...ridiculous, but it would add to the campy feel and make her a lot cooler.
Unlike The Strangers (fuck that movie on some reals), there is actually motivation to killing the family, and a character with ulterior motives. I think we both know where I'm going with this.
So I'll leave you with; go see it if you want, who am I to tell you to not see it.
Just know that it is, predictable, not scary, and just kind of underwhelming the entire time.
Since it was advertised to me as a horror movie, I'm giving it 2/5 stars.
★★☆☆☆
But maybe I'm just mad at the false advertising. Ok, for the sake of giving it a higher rating, I'll rate it as a comedy-horror and give it 3.5/5.
★★★½☆
And this is where my review ends. You may continue reading about certain parts of the movie I found hilarious, but know this: anything below this text and the "spoilers" warning will be spoilers. Read at your own risk.
Honestly I just wanted to talk about a few more things before I wrap this up, and while they're spoilers, I also couldn't fit them into the review anywhere that would make sense so...
- I should make it clear that everyone in the movie, except Erin the heroine, dies. But its a slasher movie, so thats kind of a given.
- Early on in the movie, the son Drake takes a crossbow shot to the shoulder, and spends half the movie running around with an arrow sticking out of his back. I could not stop laughing.
- Felix (the youngest son) and his angsty girlfriend Zee, the masterminds behind the murders, have the funniest deaths ever. Erin smashes a blender and breaks the glass on Felix, then turns it on and sticks it into his head. It was the funniest death I've seen since Braindead/Dead Alive. So kudos to that.
- As touched on before, the reason Felix wanted to kill his family was to inherit the life insurance. Oh also, in a surprise twist that caught me off guard, Erin's boyfriend Crispin was in on it as well! Who knew!
Thats really it I guess.
Kind of a shame that the only parts I liked from the movie had to go under a "spoilers" sign. Ah well.
"I'll catch you on the flipside."
♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley
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