Dear Fright-Rags, please give me all of your shirts

I've been getting a lot of emails from Fright Rags recently telling me that they have new designs, want to resurrect old ones, and are having sale after sale after sale.
Oh if only my wallet weren't so thin.

If you were unaware, Fright Rags is an online store that specializes in selling really awesome horror t-shirts, hoodies, and prints.  You are now aware of its existence, and you are welcome.

The reason I bring up Fright Rags is because in the past month they've released two new shirt designs that I am absolutely dying to get my hands on.
The first one is a picture of the Frog Brothers (Edgar and Alan Frog), two of my favorite vampire killers from the awesome 1987 movie The Lost Boys.  The brothers are these teenage boys who work at a comic book shop, and team up with the hero of the film to save his older brother from a gang of motorcycle riding vampires.  Sounds awesome right?  Well it is and you should probably go watch it now.

Here is a link to the shirt in case you want to buy it for me, and here is an image of it so we can all bask in how cool it is.

And here is a Frog-brother approved checklist on how to know if your loved one has become a vampire:

1. Do they sleep a lot?
2. Does sunlight freak them out?
3. Bad breath?
4. Long fingernails?
5. Yeah, they're a vampire alright.

The second really cool design that they emailed me about a few days ago is from the 1982 slasher movie Pieces.

I love this movie, its super campy and just a really fun bloodbath.  If you like really fun bloodshed and half-naked women being cut in half with a chainsaw, this movie is for you.

Once again, the link to the shirt is here, and here is an image of it so you can contemplate buying it as well.

Granted, this is towards the "exploitation" side of the slasher spectrum, so if you either decide to watch it, or are outraged by the sexualized woman on the front of this shirt...well just take it down a notch because it is an exploitation film.

One really cool thing about Fright Rags is that every now and then you can cast a vote to bring back a design from their "graveyard," which is basically just a page full of their retired designs.  The next resurrection starts on October 1st, and I highly recommend you vote to bring back this Fright Night design because I really want to buy it, but thats just a suggestion.

Now you're probably wondering, "I see you like a lot of their things, but have you actually bought anything from them?" Yes.  Yes I have, and let me tell you about it.

I bought this really awesome Battle Royale t-shirt sometime during the winter, and its still for sale if anyone is interested in buying it.  I love this shirt.  It is super soft, the image is really cool, its stayed vibrant even though I wear it like once a week and wash it basically every time I do laundry.

Just like the website boasts, it was shipped out super quick, a shipping number was given, and arrived in less than a week.  It also came with a very cool An American Werewolf in London sticker (how'd they know I loved that movie!), some sour candies, and a few fact cards about some B-rated horror movies I haven't heard of.  How nice of them!

Here is a photo of me in the shirt, pardon the silly Instagram selfsie;

Team "chubby-girls-exposing-tummy" or bust.

I do recommend Fright Rags if your looking for horror shirts.  Their designs are a lot more interesting than the ones you find in the mall at places like FYE or Hot Topic, I'm just saying.  They're fast with their shipping and hey you get some free WarHeads out of this so whats not to like?

So since you were probably wondering, I take a size medium in mens or a size large in womens!  That's a joke, but buy me those shirts.  I'm fully kidding.  Sort of.

Until next time!

♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

Je suis un Francophile, pour votre information!

So school has been completely kicking my ass this past week, and I've had no time to really do anything except sleep and work.
Originally I planned to use the little downtime I had Friday afternoon/Saturday morning to play through the text-input-based-Lovecraftian-horror-adventure game, Anchorhead.  Wow isn't that a mouthful?  Sadly all the progress I made was lost when a friend borrowed my laptop and accidentally closed the window and I was unable to restore my game.  So that will be saved for another time.

Instead, French 1003 came through for me by assigning a movie to watch for class that fit the theme of my blog!  Since you probably weren't aware, I'm a total Francophile so I enjoyed watching it and was so pleased to find out it was a Hitchcock-like thriller!
As I've said before, I don't discriminate against any form of horror.  Everything from campy-comedy to gory-gut-wrenching to thriller-mystery is OK in my book...or well, my blog.
And, lets be real for a minute, if you don't like Hitchcock...well everyone is entitled to their opinion but you're wrong.

Now on to the review.

Ne le Dis à Personne (in English, Tell No One), is a French thriller that completely screams Hitchcock, as I said before.

As I learned in film class, while America only went through a phase where these type of thrillers were incredibly popular, France on the other hand never left that phase and these type of movies are still very mainstream.

Ne le Dis à Personne is about Dr. Alexandre Beck and his life after the murder of his wife Margot.

The first scene opens with the two of them doing couple things, has a flashback or two establishing that they've known each other for awhile, and then one night Margot gets up from their lakeside resting place and you hear her scream in the woods.  Alex swims after her only to get knocked out by a baseball bat.

Flash forward, 8 years have passed.  Dr. Beck seems to be getting along with his life just fine, he is treating patients, walking his dog, and hanging out with his sister and her wife a lot.  On the anniversary of his wife'd death he receives a strange email from an anonymous source containing a video of Margot walking around somewhere.

Excuse me, what?  I thought Margot was killed by a serial killer in the first scene.  There were even flashbacks to her dead body and her family identifying her.

Since this is a really fantastic movie, I don't want to spoil too much for anyone so I'll just give you a very short summary of the plot.

So obviously Alex is confused and upset that he is receiving emails about his dead wife claiming she isn't dead after all, and thats when the movie really starts moving quickly.  Next thing you know there are people shown tapping into his computer, people getting held hostage and beaten up all while being asked "Ou est Margot (Where is Margot)?"  And there is murder.  And through all of this, who is the main suspect the police are chasing?  None other than Dr. Alex Beck.

There are chase scenes, and gun shots, and eerie flashbacks all making you wonder, "is Margot really dead?"  And like most Hitchcock movies, there are plot twists, and curve balls, and you'll find yourself sitting there trying to solve the mystery and coming up with five different solutions to what could have happened.

The first 30-40 minutes of the movie are admittedly a little slow, they just follow the daily boring life of a pediatrician.  At the 40 minute mark is when it starts getting interesting, with the first email being received, and the first suggestion that Margot is either alive or haunting Alex via the internet.
At first the movie seems like its a slow build and then all of a sudden Alex is accused of murder and the movie becomes so fast paced that you may or may not get metaphorical whiplash.

Before I move on to giving the movie a rating, I will say this: There are implied scenes of rape.  Its not terrible, mostly just implied and a subject of discussion in the film, but just to establish this now; I will always tell you when there is a possible trigger of rape in a book or movie, its the only trigger I will mention because I mean, its a horror blog.  I can't be like "trigger warning: blood and murder," I mean most movies I watch and review on here are like that.
But rape is a very serious thing that upsets people depending on the varying degrees of how its shown.  So yes, trigger warning for it, but it isn't graphic or too bad.

I give this film a 4.5/5 stars.  Why not 5 you ask?  I just don't feel like it deserves 5/5 so sit down and don't ask again, I reply.

★★★★½

You can find the subtitled movie on Netflix under foreign movies, or simply by googling it and clicking the Netflix link.  I highly recommend it if you like Hitchcock movies, thrillers, France, or car chases.

And on that note, I leave you until I have another review.  Hopefully my blog will pick up in October because its Halloween month which only means; horror non-stop!

"This house is clean."
♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

First Giveaway: OVER!

Hey guys!

Sorry my blog has been kind of dead recently.  School has swamped me with work the past few weeks but I promise in the next week or so I'll be more active!

My first giveaway has ended, and congratulations to Lauren, aka trekintodarkness on tumblr!  I've sent her a message about it and hopefully she'll respond soon.

Thanks again to those who've participated!  Hopefully I'll have another one during October.

Well back to work for me and I'll see you guys at a later date.
♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

A blog post about "Uzumaki"

Not to mislead you or anything, this is sort of a blog post about the Japanese horror comic Uzumaki.  I just want to shed light on, as I've been saying and as I've promised, I am reading it, and I will be posting a review about it once I finish it.

However, I'm postponing my reading of it due to the arrival of a new book.

This book to be exact:

And maybe you aren't aware of it but

I'm

A little obsessed

With Twin Peaks.

For those of you who don't know, Twin Peaks is an early 90's television show, and (It's all different types of things, one of those being 'horror' so it fits the theme of my blog.) its a thriller-mystery-whodunnit-cop-dramaedy that ran for two amazing seasons, and got cancelled.  After which they -- creator David Lynch and the other producers -- made a movie to wrap everything up.

To be completely honest, I classify the movie as horror because its truly unsettling and quite scary.

A dear friend of mine actually asked me not too long ago if I've considered reviewing the show and/or movie for this blog and my answer is; yes, I really want to.  I wont for a little bit because I'm doing a re-watch of it with my boyfriend, and once I finish that (or get impatient with waiting, we just don't know) I'll review everything.

(Well...maybe the movie.  You see, I want to review the movie because I do find it really scary, but there are some scenes in it that make me rather uncomfortable and I'm not 100% sure I want to re-watch it in the near future due to my reactions to said scenes last time.)

Until those posts, and if you're not interested in this show yet, here is the basic run down of it that I use when I want to get anyone interested:

Twin Peaks is a show about the town and people of Twin Peaks.  The pilot episode of the show is one of the best pilot episodes of all time, introducing all these amazing characters and presenting a murder mystery as the plot of the show.  A high school girl, Laura Palmer, is found dead and wrapped in plastic within the first 5-10 minutes, and no one has any idea who the murderer is.  Soon after the discovery, FBI's Special Agent of my heart Dale Cooper comes to Twin Peaks to solve the mystery and find the killer.  Nothing seems to be funnier to my boyfriend than my massive crush on Agent Cooper, I swear I'll never hear the end of it.

Twin Peaks runs for two seasons before its cancelled, both ending on massive cliff hangers.  The movie made afterward serves as both a prequel and a sequel to the show.  I highly recommend looking into it, and I know this is not a review but I give it 5/5 stars.

★★★★★

Well this blog post diverged a lot from its title and ends rather abruptly.  Um...'the end?'  I'll see you next blog post?

"Diane, I have in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies."

♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

And now a personal account; "Why I Like Horror Movies"

[A piece I wrote for my Intro to Non-Fiction English class, see end of post for notes!] 

I’m 7 years old.
I’m standing frozen in my kitchen, wide-eyed, with the television remote still in my hand. The screen in front of me dances with images of a bloody-mouthed man beating a police officer to death, leaning over and biting a portion of his face off.
My babysitter rushes into the room. She takes the remote from me, switches off the TV, and hugs me asking if I’m ok. I’m paralyzed with a fear and intrigue that would stay with me for the rest of my life.

The Silence of the Lambs won five out of the seven Oscars it was nominated for in 1992, including ‘Best Actor in Leading Role,’ awarded to Anthony Hopkins, who beat two policemen to death as Hannibal Lector in front of my 7 year old eyes.
More than often I use this bit of information when I have to remind friends and family that not only I find it a work of cinematic genius.

I guess that comes with the territory of being a horror movie fan.

I’m a junior in high school.
My so-called boyfriend says that Hostel was a waste of an hour and a half; he asks why I like such pointless and idiotic movies.
Our relationship only lasts a few months after that. It ends with me dumping him after a large fight over the classic movie Halloween. Or rather, it ends because I want to watch the film in peace and he wants to bring up all of our problems. But I tell everyone that it ends over that film, and everyone believes that I’m obsessive and weird enough to do something like that.

“Don’t you already own that movie?” My roommate freshman year of college asks as I open the packaging to the 2005 gore-fest that is Hostel.
“I did,” I say. She stares at me while I explain that I had to buy a new one because I watched my previous DVD so many times it burned out.
Hostel never won any awards. It is harder for people to understand why I find this one so wonderful, when no academy recognizes it as a cinematic masterpiece, or when a friend risks seeing someone get their eye cut out if they accidentally glance at my laptop screen.
“I watch it when I’m sad,” I tell her. And when I’m happy. Or bored. Or just need background noise. I watch it a lot.

She doesn’t even pretend to understand.

My mother watches me cringe and whimper as the villain in the 1999 Japanese film Audition uses a wire saw around her paralyzed husbands ankle and begins to remove his foot. She makes a disgusted noise and averts her eyes from the television. As she leaves the room she asks me for what seems like the millionth time why I’m so obsessed with watching movies like these. I shrug. “They make me uncomfortable,” I tell her.
She tilts her head in confusion.
“In a good way.” I add on.
She tells me she doesn’t understand, and I tell her its ok, I don’t really either. Its just the underlying fact is that these movies make me happy, and that’s why I can watch them from sunrise to sunset.

“So basically, you’re obsessed with horror movies?” The cute boy asks while we’re hanging out and getting to know one another. “Yeah,” I say. “I find the stories easy to follow and blood spatter fun to watch, I could watch them for days. Are you a fan?”
He tells me he isn’t really, he finds them gross and boring. Plus he doesn’t like the adrenaline rush that comes with being scared. I say that part is my favorite part.
Well that’s a shame, I think, he is really cute.
I think how the lack of interest in horror could make or break a relationship with me, and I silently wish that it wasn’t such a deal breaker.
“But I could always try to be more interested in them,” he offers, breaking my train of thoughts.

It is over a year later, and he is my boyfriend. He asks if I want to see The Evil Dead remake with him in theaters, I say yes. This is better than a marriage proposal.
I smile at him; it’s nice to know that now more than just myself and the academy thinks that The Silence of the Lambs is a cinematic masterpiece.

Notes on this writing:
Hey guys! I figured I'd share this piece with you! It was my first assignment from a creative writing class that I took over the summer, the topic was: Write about an obsession, and what better to write about than my undying love for horror movies?

I don't really have much more to add to this, but I leave you with this question: Are the floating skull dividers too much? I wanted to add dividers/a fun element to my blog, but I'm worried that it might look goofy or not fit with the theme. Let me know what you think! Leave comments below, and constructive criticism is always welcome! And I will see you guys in the next blog post!

"Be afraid, be very afraid."
♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

I got my first comment!!

Yes ladies and gentlefolk, your eyes do not deceive you, I have received my first blog comment!
This officially makes me a real blogger.

Sadly Blogger is goofing up and won't show the comment.
But as proof, here is my screenshot of the email:

I'm just really excited about this.  Honestly that all I wanted to tell you, and to thesweetmysteryoflife, thank you.  You've really made my day with this.

Now back to reading Uzumaki for me, and I'll see you guys soon!

♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

First Giveaway!

Hey guys!

So I've been thinking about doing a giveaway since I began this blog, and seeing as I probably wont be as active as I want to be these upcoming weeks, I figured why not do it now?

Keeping to the recent blog posts, I've decided to give you, yes you, somethings I've talked about!

You could win:

1. Your very own copy of Salem's Lot
2. Some handmade horror stickers I've made
3. A Welcome to Night Vale Intern t-shirt with your name on the back!

Really, I don't ask for much in return.  Just link my blog somewhere, or just tell one person who likes horror about it and I'll be happy!

Good luck and happy giveaway!

♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You're Next, aka "Close Ups of Distressed White People;" a movie review

Ok, its been awhile since I've last reviewed a movie...2 years maybe?  Who knows.

I've decided to format my movie reviews like so; I'll give you my opinion about it interwoven with a brief summary and key points, maybe a few jokes at its expense, a star rating, and then I'll post a spoiler warning and go more into depth with a synopsis of the movie.
Sound good?  Alright, lets get started!

Saturday my friend hit me up and was like "Hey do you want to see that new horror movie You're Next?"  Obviously I was like 'hell yeah,' I mean the previews for the movie looked promising.  Well my friend flaked on me (honestly knowing her, I didn't expect any less), but my other friend was willing to go so I saw it anyway.

I don't even know where to start with this movie.

When my friends asked what I thought of it, all I could really answer was; "Well it was most definitely...something thats for sure."  I can't say I hated it, but I don't think I liked it.

Let me explain.
Have you seen the trailer for it?  If not, you can watch it here.

I guess my disappointment started when I went in expecting a horror movie.  The trailer combined with the first 5-10 minutes of the movie promised me a violent, jump scare, slasher film.  I was stoked.
Unfortunately, the entire movie teetered on the line between 'trying to be scary' and being 'full on campy,' and it was incredibly frustrating that it couldn't just pick a damn side.  Although, at first I was concerned that it was just a bad horror movie that was unintentionally funny.
The very end before the credits roll, theres a splat of blood against the screen that says "YOU'RE NEXT."  Luckily that only confirmed that the movie was going for a slightly campy feel, and salvaged whatever good opinion I had towards the film.

Without even touching the storyline, I can tell you that the movie annoyed me for these reasons;

1. The actors playing the parents just could not act well.  At all.  I would provide an example, but the entire time they're on screen you can't help but laugh at what they're saying.  I hope that explains it enough.
2. The dialogue was terrible.  There is a scene where the family is completely freaking out (with good reason) and they're trying to get service on their phones but can't.  In the middle of panic their one son yells out; "They probably blocked our signal with a signal blocking box!  You can get those for like $30 on Amazon!"  ...I mean...really?
3. The entire movie was done with shaky cam, which gave me a headache.
4. And literally the entire first half of the movie was just close ups of white people looking distressed.  It was hilarious.

If you're confused I'll give you a brief summary of the movie:

There is this family; older parents, their four adult children, and those kids significant others, who go to the family's vacation home for the weekend to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the parents.  Oh by the way, the parents are incredibly wealthy and its made known that none of the kids are doing well financially at all.

While they're eating dinner and arguing, one of their daughter's boyfriend notices something strange outside and walks toward it only to be shot in the head by a crossbow.  Obviously the movie escalades from this point on with the family being hunted by guys in animal masks.

The hero of this movie is the son Crispin's girlfriend Erin, and I have mixed feeling about her as a character.  When the going gets rough, she springs into action, which is pretty badass...until they reveal her backstory.  Spoilers: she was raised in the Australian outback by survivalists.

I...what?  Look, theres nothing I love more than a beautiful, strong, horror movie heroine...but with a backstory like that, personally I think that makes her a little less badass.  It just seems too convenient.  If they had given her a backstory like "Oh I'm just trained in self defense," or "Oh I went to a lot of Eagle Scout camp outs," or even "Oh I just watch a lot of horror movies and know how to react in a situation like this."  Yeah, that would not only be less...ridiculous, but it would add to the campy feel and make her a lot cooler.

Unlike The Strangers (fuck that movie on some reals), there is actually motivation to killing the family, and a character with ulterior motives.  I think we both know where I'm going with this.

So I'll leave you with; go see it if you want, who am I to tell you to not see it.

Just know that it is, predictable, not scary, and just kind of underwhelming the entire time.

Since it was advertised to me as a horror movie, I'm giving it 2/5 stars.

★★☆☆☆

But maybe I'm just mad at the false advertising.  Ok, for the sake of giving it a higher rating, I'll rate it as a comedy-horror and give it 3.5/5.

★★★½☆

And this is where my review ends.  You may continue reading about certain parts of the movie I found hilarious, but know this: anything below this text and the "spoilers" warning will be spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

Honestly I just wanted to talk about a few more things before I wrap this up, and while they're spoilers, I also couldn't fit them into the review anywhere that would make sense so...

1. I should make it clear that everyone in the movie, except Erin the heroine, dies.  But its a slasher movie, so thats kind of a given.
2. Early on in the movie, the son Drake takes a crossbow shot to the shoulder, and spends half the movie running around with an arrow sticking out of his back.  I could not stop laughing.
3. Felix (the youngest son) and his angsty girlfriend Zee, the masterminds behind the murders, have the funniest deaths ever.  Erin smashes a blender and breaks the glass on Felix, then turns it on and sticks it into his head.  It was the funniest death I've seen since Braindead/Dead Alive.  So kudos to that.
4. As touched on before, the reason Felix wanted to kill his family was to inherit the life insurance.  Oh also, in a surprise twist that caught me off guard, Erin's boyfriend Crispin was in on it as well!  Who knew!

Thats really it I guess.

Kind of a shame that the only parts I liked from the movie had to go under a "spoilers" sign.  Ah well.

"I'll catch you on the flipside."

♥ the 'real' Tatum Riley